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I recently got an email pitch from a writer asking for my opinion.
I may not have given the response he wanted to hear, but I’ve heard so many pitches lately that have hit me the same way, I wanted to point out something you may be doing, too.
The movie pitched to me was what I like to think of as “good for you.” The basis of the pitch was that this film has deep meaning, and if you watched it you’d learn something and be better for it.
Well, as admirable as that is… it’s not the way to pitch.
We all should have good intentions as writers, and when we find our theme, and the “moral of the story,” it’s a great day! As I’ve stated many times, every story we tell has to be “about something”; it has to have meaning beyond the surface story, and we have to have a desire to tell it beyond mere commerce — and finding that meaning is vital, whether we begin writing with it in mind or discover it along the way.
But that’s the B Story. That’s the Theme. That’s the Spiritual Goal of the hero(es). It’s the “underneath story.”
The A Story is what lures us in to say “send me that script” or to buy a ticket to see your well-intentioned movie. And the crux of every pitch is the “Fun and Games” section of the script. When the hero crosses into Act Two, and enters the “upside-down version of the world” — that’s the concept, that’s the poster.
That’s your pitch.
Don’t pitch me your good intentions. I assume I will be edified and empowered by your tale — if you follow the Cat! method, your story will resonate with meaning found in how the hero is transformed. But it’s a “spoonful of sugar” that helps the medicine go down. Draw me into your good intentions with an idea that intrigues, and you have a much better chance to enlighten me as I walk out of the theater at the movie’s end, thinking:
What a meaningful movie!
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on January 15th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve seen many writers trying to convince someone that the story is good based on what people can learn from it. Many times, it seems like the writers who are doing that also have a “Fun and Games” section that really is about little Joey learning how to share, or something like that and the writer’s work isn’t even close to as good as what he thinks it is.
on January 15th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
I once gave notes to a writer friend on a script of his that had been getting some good responses - but just not enough to tip it over into the “sold” category. The core of his movie was an issue that he was passionate about, and for most of the script, he’d done a good job balancing telling the story and presenting that issue.
But his third act fell flat, because he went totally into a polemic mode. He was going to convey the whole depth of his cause, and the audience was going to swallow it just the way he chose to give it to them.
Ouch.
Before I gave him my notes, I asked him, “What is our first job as screenwriters?” “To educate the audience,” he said. “No!” said I, “It is to tell a story!
I then went on to point out to him that he was going to alienate everyone with his third act. It was too grim and graphic even for those who supported his stance on the cause. The sad thing was that he’d done a good job throughout the rest of the script of introducing characters from all points of view. I pointed out to him how he could still engage the audience in wanting the hero in the story to succeed in what he was doing, even if they had philosophical disagreements with the character’s stance on the issue.
Tell the story. If you can make us care about the character, we might start giving some consideration to the issue. But if you put the issue first, the characters and the story will suffer.
(Of course, Blake always says these things in a bouncier and more fun way!
)
on January 15th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Ack. To clarify: in my friend’s third act, the story came to a screeching halt in order for the “issue lecture” to be inserted into the script. That’s why it fell flat. None of the characters were interacting with it or reacting to it. It was just there.
on January 15th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Do such scripts also have common structural missteps, such as what is shown in Opening Image and Closing Image? Number of key characters and their depth? Turning points that are too subtle? ie, the balance is off between the B and A stories in informing these decisions?
What’s been the experiences of fixing such scripts - if the writers have wanted to?
on January 15th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
That’s Gold Blake, Gold!
on January 15th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
The theme, and “good for you feeling” should be in the pitch somewhere for the reason going into Act 2 and rounded out with the ironic portion of pitch. But that journey into Act 2, given the hero’s flaw should be that great theme that teaches us something, no?
thanks Blake, acknowledging things like this on an on-going basis help remind me about mistakes I might be making without thinking about it. its one of the reasons i try to flip through both Cat books on a weekly basis; especially the glossary sections.
on January 16th, 2009 at 12:37 am
Thank you! I finally understand why I couldn’t come up with a logline that felt perfect.
on January 16th, 2009 at 4:26 am
So, what I think Blake means is… You can lead a CAT to broccoli but you can’t make ‘em eat it. Especially if the broccoli costs $10.50 a ticket.
on January 16th, 2009 at 9:07 am
I think that’s what makes the “B Story” such a great tool. It’s there for you to use and get below the surface but it does so in such a way that it creates depth, rather than confusion. The last thing people want is to be force-fed a theme through entertainment. You don’t go to the pond and jump in, grab a duck by the neck and force bread down its throat. You toss it in the water and let them see it so they can get it themselves. (Sorry for the graphic nature!!)
on January 16th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Blake, that is great. You know when I was a monk we used to say that we could never really sell “the monastic life” to anybody. I mean, could you imagine going door to door, “Hi! How would you like to give up everything and become a monk? It’s great! We meditate 5 times a day on these little blue chairs with no back. You’re not supposed to move the whole time,… but you get used to it. Um, there’s the whole celibacy thing, but it’s all for a really good reason. Oh,and we’re vegetarians! Isn’t that great?” Yeah, not going to happen. So I guess it’s the same thing with telling a good story. People have to come to its meaning themselves.
on January 19th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Thanks for saying this, Blake. I’ve been hearing a ton of pitches lately that fall into this category. Tell me the story, let me learn what it’s all about by engaging me with the characters and dialogue, and sell it to me using the theme (as related to the B-Story). By the way, please do it all in a VISUAL way.
Let me be clear that without you and your books, I don’t think I could articulate this clearly.
Cheers, Blake.
on January 19th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Hi, Blake –
Thanks for the short, sweet reminder! I’m working up some pitches and found myself snagged in so-much- information-so-little-time/space circle speak.
It felt amazing to punch your name on my bookmark list — and find the mentoring I needed right there on Page One.
Thanks again.